in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
