If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You are the jesus of drinking
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