god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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