hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
