Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
