You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
