she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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