Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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