I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
