i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
