Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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