I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize