Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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