I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
