I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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