If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
