I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
