but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
