I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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