So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
did i just pee glitter
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
