In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
