You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
