your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
