we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
