I'm eating all of the evidence.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize