allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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