you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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