I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
