So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I need water and some morals
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
