My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
