Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
