More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
