have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
