So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
