If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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