Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
