2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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