Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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