There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
