ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
