Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize