I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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