on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
