The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
