I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
