I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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