The maid of honor just puked.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
