Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
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Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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