I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
