If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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