I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
