loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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