You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
