She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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