At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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