birth control should be required to get into college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
