i would punch a child for taco bell
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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