If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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