Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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