I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
