The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
