Already got asked if we're dating
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ladies don't puke and tell
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
